She got scared and had her DR. take her off the meds and try other antidepressants. I wish I could tell you that she will be back but there is really no guarantee that she will. It’s all about her and spending money and never take responsibility for her words or actions. Bipolar infidelity is a common – and tragic – consequence of mania and hypersexuality. You’ve earned them. For me I trace it back to about Valentine’s Day to about mid-September. I have heard it time and time again. Thank you so much! I am pretty sure my exfiance is also. Even though his meds are finally right, and have been for 2 years, I don’t know if he will ever be capable of feeling/processing feelings like a normal person. Furthermore, feelings of pleasure and arousal are related to a sort of calming effect. Thus, instead of desiring others beside the beloved one, you go ahead and physically unite with them. For so long I have hated myself and felt like a monster for having periods where I just felt no feelings or attachments to anyone in my family, including my beautiful son and wonderful husband. At any rate we have been married 22 years and this is 100% not her. I think she played a major part in my healing. The majority of BP patients also have other illness in conjunction with this disease. My wife has just found out about three weeks ago…she is my childhood sweetheart and she is DEVASTATED…she has studied psychology so understands what I have but that doesn’t stop the pain. If I was convinced earliar I would have seeked help for my hubby. I told her I’m going to cheat and I feel like I can’t hold back any longer. My wife of 3 1/2 years(together 11) has suffers from chronic depression,substance and alcohol abuse.she has been prescribed cymbalta from a pmhnp.she was told by two doctors in the past that she could be bipolar.the pmhnp says she doesn’t think so.but her sessions are once a month for 10 minutes a session. we have been married for 26 years, together since we’ve been 24 years old. Your email address will not be published. I found out he was cheating on me with a pregnant escort he knew for 6 years because I accused him of cheating and I don’t believed him anyways( or at least this is what he says). None of them worked, and some made things worse and in conjunction with various sleep meds, they finally gave up and prescribed Effexor, which basically acts as a suicide deterrent, as on that, she still experiences manic and depression episodes. They'd been seeing her the whole time. Of course since the 4 months since I found out she tells me and finds ways to indicate it was my fault. I honestly can say that up until the end of college I had no discernible signs of a mental illness. Everything that comes out of her mouth is negative and she assumes because she thinks this way other’s who have a healthier way of thinking must also be at her immature level. I feel absoutley sick to my stomach and am lost. I pray that he gets help and becomes a decent parent again. He started off explicitly, then went into victim mode, saying he was “having trouble getting girlfriends and he just wanted a friend to help him find out what he was doing wrong.” She avoided him, but I kept this in the back of my mind before. For every two months of repair, peace, and hope there is 3 months of hell. I was determined and unable to think clearly in the slightest. are you still with him? I knew about all his affairs but I tried to hope he would realize one day and get help to take care of his son. My son’s father has been telling different stories to different women about how bad I am trying to control him. I don’t believe I know of any long term marriage that has been built on lies, and I highly doubt it’s possible. Unfortunately, I married a controlling cheater (2nd husband) at the beginning of my worst years. You have to be accountable for your actions and how you are treating others. She also started buying things online. No matter whether the behavior is public or private it helps to talk. Two kids later and now she decides to tell me! I have made some mistakes in the marriage that I’m sorry for and it’s not really to do with the illness. These relationships can include friendships, family and romantic relationships. She had debt after debt, spent all the kids’ savings, and even remortgaged the family home for $100k and spent the lot. My wife for 15 years told me in May that she was in love with someone else. 1.2K Stories. After a few sessions, he diagnosed my wife as BP and sent her to a psychyatrist who agreed and put her on Depakote. Please explore the rest of my site and visit again soon. He is never here, but we have been dealing with his filthy room. Required fields are marked *. I started lose confidence more and more to the point where I gave the ring back in several occasions and fight constantly. I called the psychologist. he cons the cops has everyone in our small littls town believing I’m insane because I hold him accountable for his actions.He is in a study for lithium and went out drinking on it I told him one more drink hes out. the months leading up to that had been hell also. Please someone tell me that if I am diagnosed, which I know I will be, there is hope. The families suffer and they get a free pass. I really feel for you. It isn’t fair to my family. She got jealous of me because I went out of my way to spend time with my other friends whereas she only had one other close friend from high school. I’m very happy that it worked out well for her. I had hate for her because of her actions and the way she acted up and down all the time messed my head up I did not know what to expect next she said the d word on multiple occasions and emotionalg drained me to the point I loved her but hated her so things were off. Find a good support group. Anti depressants make bipolar worse. He sees the doctors as This year it all came to the surface all the secrets. Put yourself first. I would’ve stopped myself at any time if I really truly asked for help and not lied to my psychiatrist about my emotions. However, ground all your actions in love and start with the assumption that this is a medical issue. In regards to the definitions of hypersexuality and me referring to them as “symptoms”, I just want to make one thing clear: IT’S NOT AN EXCUSE! I knew it for a very long time, from the time that she first denied her doctor the chance to help her. He gambled and overspent to the point we are losing the roof over our head and I just can’t take it any more. This evening my husband was admitted into the mental hospital for the second time in two weeks for trying to kill himself. I’ve also seen some of her messages on her phone which were a little too intimate for words. I am the wife of a bipolar husband and its been so hard the past few months. His true colors will eventually come out and I hope he reaches out for help when it does. Today I spent my day straightening out the rest of my life and prioritizing things and taking a long serious look at the entire relationship, and from day one – her obsession with my happiness – to the last day – her obsession with my inability to “make” her happy instead of merely being happy with each other, is perfectly a case of BPD. I just read every one each of the post here. After all the support and everything he put me through … I m left to clean up the mess he’s made. Again about 6 weeks later he came back! Anyway I’m waiting to hear if divorce is on the cards and so far my wife says its over. I would love her to meet someone. There was a coworker of hers who had taken her number off the contact list at work and had been trying to sext her and get her to leave me several months prior. I noticed she was hiding me from her friends and family and I felt she did not want to be with me even intimate was just not the same. for those of you with Bipolar like me, there is hope i know there is. She can’t sit and talk to me or anyone else about what is going on with out flying off the handle, storming out and not telling where she is or where she was all night. To say that those who make mistakes, horrible though sone may be, robs those of us who are actually trying to improve of hope. After a year of this, he took a new position in another state and I thought it was over. She went to a Doctor that asked her to do a life timeline. Bipolar mania is often accompanied by hypersexuality, an increased sex drive that involves risky, reckless behavior. Now the important thing is to work with my psychiatrist to get me stable. not emotionally strong enough to walk away, but in my heart I know how much I love him and I know he loves me and I can’t walk away from that. I was misdiagnosed and my medication made my BP worse..I was told I have emotionally unstable disorder and medicated for that. He is currently gone now with the other woman, but I honestly feel like its only a matter of time, till he “wakes up”. I am afraid he might be cheating on me. I had no idea about the disorder, she has now had over 6 episodes because she does not take her meds correctly. I even spoke with the gentleman and asked him to stop. Not only that – but her sister was texting her and referencing him too! Then he asked her to leave town with him. We went to see our priest, who recommended us to a marriage councelor/psychologist. After a few months he returned to my home state and convinced me that he was a changed man and asked me to marry him. Not only did I lose her but lost those children, however, I am blessed with a son from our marriage. He’s totally gutted!! His mother was bipolar too and his rude children from previous marriage are all mentally ill too. He never told me he cheated. But nobody put a gun to her head. I know it’s not entirely her fault, but instead the result of something being literally wrong with her. My friends would come over when she was at school and we’d have a ball until she got home. That doesn’t mean that we don’t care. Then when taken to hospital called the little girl (18) that he cheated with to come to the hospital. Drinking should have been first red flag, he hadn’t had a drink in two years because of its affecting his bipolar He needs help. Right now she is on the highest dose of Effexor which seems to do nothing. This BPD is really sad, i just got married last year and just last december my sweetest and most loving and kindest husband had an affair with his 23 yr old coworker. How can you be such fucking sodding farts as to use terms like ‘cheat’?! I still have trouble but am moving forward. She has been this way all of her life. My biggest regret is that I subjected my daughter to a turbulent life, at best, and tortuous embarassing teen years during the worst. That experience alone will haunt me for the rest of my life.Id like to say this was the 1st relapse, but it’s not, he does well for a year or so then falls for a week, repeat. I will use the information from this site and blog to reconsider everything. Wonder what my chances of staying married are? The pain and guilt of what you did weighs heavy on you and, unlike the flu or even depression, no one feels sorry for you. I guess I should have known because I know she slept with other people while dating and had a history of it and who knows maybe more while we were married. I know a day will come where he will ‘wake up’ and beg me to try again and that scares me. You choose to do the right thing or the wrong thing. Intensely damaging to this bipolar marriage. Otherwise with an untreated bipolar unless you decrease the expectations you will find yourself living a lifetime of struggle and heartache. I pray for him each and every day. She has used her son as a excuse to go 3 hours away and live a complete lie of a life for the past 8+ months. so…let me get this straight..you only cheat on those who deserve to be cheated? As I fear mine is a never ending revolving story. But it was through this affair and seeing counselors and physiatrists that we learned she is defiantly bi-polar. It’s easier for me to paint a proper visual. She left the state to live with her brother for a year then came back to the small town we lived in and got close. As much as I couldn’t stop my brain from telling me to do and say things, I didn’t have a gun pointed to my head during any of it. Bipolar marriage breakdown often follows serial infidelity and poor management of the disorder. I thought I was different. We are trying to get disability for her now, hopefully it will come through and we can get her in to a psychiatrist for regular sessions. I hope this for my daughter…. WOW, reading the above from the other guys is exactly what I am dealing with now! His mom called me today to tell me there was something wrong he was stoned out of his mind and they could not get him to respond. she was kind and honest and we were both careful in what we discussed. I actually told him. We were still living apart, and seeing each other from time to time, but she was always texting and telling me that she missed me and constantly began spending more time with me, and even wrote me a letter that said that I made her the happiest she’d ever been in her whole life. Grow up! I thought things were getting better, but found out in February that she had continued to see “Dom” on occassion and spoke with him on the phone several times a day. You are still sick, do see professional assistance instead. Now she is blame shifting and saying that I am the one cheating. I was not diagnosed w/BP disorder until I was in my late 40’s. Since he has been gone he refuses to talk to me or communicate in any rational way, not even to discuss his intentions. Honestly I am in the same boat as you and am considering calling it quits. Well written! Now she has resorted to using pay phones. I still believe my ex was only sorry that he got caught, and not that he hurt me. While I have focused my academics upon mental health, dating BD has been a very painful process. I never thought I’d ever be happy again but I am. I want to be normal and be in love with my husband. I think that after a lifetime of depression and mania, he is left incapable of being able to do this, and does not have any interest in doing the work necessary that could have probably saved our relationship. When I told him about funding anything damaged, he went wild.. Hw left the spare room for six months.. My therapist told me he was Bipolar2. Extramarital sex is not the end of the world. I am/was married to a bipolar wife (Divorce final today) and experienced all the things that go with bipolar (spending, credit card debt, anger, rage, blaming, irrationality, etc). Making me out to be the bad guy and a terrible husband. I started to have symptoms of mania, which until then had not presented themselves. He now has a child on the way with a 32 yr old woman living on the streets. However I still have no idea where this leaves us?? Loved her and I still do but I know I can’t have s future with her and she only cares about herself she always says she wants the best for herself. We had so much in common. He’s fetish with pregnant women also scares me and I know he will always have it. We are both writers working on novels and she would get angry at me and go into depressed states because I could write and she couldn’t, and made me feel like it was my fault. What I didn’t know was that he was cheating on me and meeting other women while he was with me. She texted me and begged me to stay and that we could support each other until we had enough money saved to live separately, but all I had to do was ask what she would have done if I had been the one cheating and she had nothing more to say. I do believe there is a genetic link, thankfully her siblings all seem to have been spared the curse of this illness. No feelings at all for me. Half the time I think I’m crazy for how I write because I honestly don’t think people enjoy it like I do. We had no children due to fertility issues. It hurt me to go through this crazy roller coaster ride more then anything heart broken left without real closure I would say to anyone in a relationship with a bi polar it is great in the beginning but once she gets bored or whatever she flips and it’s a living hell. I am determined to get myself right and with Gods help I will..If your partner wont stop and wont get treated, you are going to have to pull the plug. I had one final exam left before spring break. I’m just completely confused, my mind is in a fog. He rode with our pastor and our pastor told me he was texting a women and immediately deleting the messages the entire way to the hospital. Our sex life was okay, but she often got “overwhelmed” afterward and wanted to withdraw from the emotions attached. I’d been burned before in a previous relationship, never to the extent that this went, but I knew better to at least keep my eyes open. I told her how it made me feel. She would become extremely depressed for weeks to months. C'mon. I’ve been with my husband all my life, we met when we were 15 and there has never been a doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life with him. It just so happens that I had helped to create a situation that made the affair easy. Although its really impossible to separate the illness driven behaviors from their personality, spouses and other family members need to understand that BPD changes the way people, think, feel and act. There is no doubt in our mind he was high on something they are going to do a drug test on him. Fortunately, my wife is really good about taking her meds and seeking therapy. My income is not enough to support us in out current lifestyle, consequently we have been sinking financially. We have three children together ranging from 7 to 18 months. I am so broken. A disease of the brain that is very much handled well if treated properly. We were together for over a year and what I didn’t know at the time was that he met me when he was in a manic state. He was diagnosed with BP about 3 1/2 years ago. Manic people do not just need more excitement, they need more sex to put it plainly. But as I learn of this disorder and read post from people in my situation im scarred sh*tless of what this life will have in store if a stay with her. The monster hijacked him. I got mad later on when I saw them again, him holding her as if they were dating…I was mad and told her it’s time to go, to which she refused and I left alone. It is terribly difficult; he and I both have addictive personalities, and neither of us seems able to let go of the addiction and the various codependent aspects of the relationship. If that doesn’t work, I think some sort of family intervention would be in order. He even risked his jobs by doing something that are going to get him terminated from the jobs couple of times. I look forward to a divorce. We dated for about a year and I dealt with her BPD ups and downs fairly easily, even though there was one very bad low where she was near-suicidal, and she often talked about it. I finally see the REAL person he is and i’m not accepting that anymore. He’s kind of a weak person that goes with the flow. My wife loves me but I cant see it…that is part of BP. I love this man and dont know what to do. There isn’t enough space or time here for me to write all of the unkind things my ex did during that time, but over the years, they added up, and destroyed even the possibility of saving the relationship. (I do know he is staying with a friend). She wouldn’t greet them, and was mostly only civil to them and behind their backs was telling me all the things she found wrong with them. As a psychologist he knew how to manipulate her and how to get just what he wanted. It had been stressful I felt it was a little over the top just moving out but let him go and that turned out to be a mistake on my part. i know all too well, we are finally apart, he left but i’m okay, god set me free!! In the beginning, I read every book or article I could get my hands on. (Too little or too much sleep may trigger a mood episode or be a symptom of a developing mood episode.). sorry that you have to endure this but RUN FAST. He had friends in the local police department who watched me. Maybe then I can help some other poor soul from making the same mistakes I made. I am so glad i found this website also. Anything I said she would not hesitate to do it was amazing cook clean but it was all just a front she liked the excitement but as soon as we had responsibilities and stress from bills and life she got depressed and started fights and arguments accusing me of silly things. She up and out of the blue told me she was going to go “somewhere” and not tell me where or when she would be home. He recently begged me to take him back and a week after I did he slept with someone almost young enough to be our daughter and then denied it even though I knew the truth. Wife is not. I would like to say, that while yes, bipolar is an illness, and I have done some reckless things, it is imperative that we take full responsibility for our behavior. Hey, I know what you mean (ezcept my wife is not cheating that I know of) it is hard to give up and to admit it is final. The following day i thought was the start of us rebuilding our marriage…then he suddenly turned into a different person, went home from work and said he is no longer happy in our marriage, he wants to be single, and that he is packing his stuff and he will spend the weekend at a friend’s house. Regardless, it is very painful on the kids, spouses ect… I’m extremely worried that she won’t come back mentally? I don’t know if I have done the right thing or not. If the person which was diagnosed as BP maintains an affair then that is infidelity and the disorder has nothing to do with it because it is her/his decision. The meds are starting to even her out and she is thinking more clearly. We started hanging out, then feel in love. Call me cruel or harsh but cheating is never okay. My wife has been put on Seroquel and has been taking it for the last 2 weeks. I’ve been reading some of these and it is helpful. He tells me he does not want me to accuse because that is niot the mad he is or wants to be. She knows she has a problem and has been religious about taking the meds. We were married for 23 years and i have decided to let go off her because she is blaming me for those and she refuses to go back home. Anyways it was enough with all the history of blaming, meanness, etc. at the moment I’m going through a terrible time and all this is still raw for me…i really hope my message helps out in some way. When I married my husband I didn’t know he was bi-polar until we started having problems within 3 months of our marriage. Masturbation 2 times a day coupled with passionate steamy sex with my husband STILL doesn’t fully satisfy my needs. after two months he came home because i fell down some stairs and really hurt myself. She broke it off the day she told me. 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