Share Two Edges of the Sword Post: Be sure to read both parts. T here are few things in society we’ve imbued with quite as much expectation and meaning as marriage. So you don't have a bae? Our partners don’t exist to satiate our every emotional need. It’s not what you truly want, much less deserve. Learn how your comment data is processed. Marriage As My Happy Ending. Marriage satisfied Adam. I would agree God uses marriage to do these things, but He uses many things. When we give people the impression that being a Christian is not enough to bring complete satisfaction, we are saying the Lord is not enough. What I am saying is that just because you’re unhappy or dissatisfied, it does not make your partner, or your relationship in general, responsible for your feelings. Usually, when someone is not happy, it’s because something is causing it. At Imago Dei's recent Marriage Refresh Forum, Professional Counselor Paul Elmore and his wife Shannon Elmore presented a different, more enduring model based on Scripture. They can be the most enlightening medium for self-awareness. View Larger Image. To me, marriage signified the end of all my struggles in the search for true love—a happy … Pretty good article. Relationships, 10 Ways to Focus on Making Marriage Holy (Not Just Happy) - Read more Christian relationships and marriage advice and Biblical help for husbands and wives. Your life partner is an asset to you in the evolution of your becoming, but that partnership is not the whole of your becoming. “Like all relationships, there are ups and downs,” says psychologist Erica MacGregor. This is the true meaning of marriage in which ‘I’ becomes ‘We’. ... that last a lifetime can make people happy. Marriage gives us our walking partners, not our paths. Conventional wisdom says if you're not happy in your marriage, get out and move on. Is marriage meant to make you happy? Pinterest. Married people are happier than unmarried ones, perhaps because the single best predictor of human happiness is the quality of social relationships. The beauty of marriage is in the giving. For example, if you’re better with numbers, don’t get angry when they misbalance the checkbook. It’s not marriage that makes you happy, it’s happy marriage that makes you happy, Gilbert said. If you honestly can't imagine being with one person for the rest of your life, you might just not be meant for marriage. At almost 70 years old, I am writing, traveling and enjoying retirement in Florida. It’s meant to make you aware of … ... Marriages are not meant to be endured. It’s counterintuitive, but the less you expect marriage to make you happy, the more it will. It would be a disgrace to use a phrase like, “Marriage is Meant to make her Holy, not Happy,” an an excuse for selfish behavior. If you are seeking to always make someone’s day better, then you will be happy. Why We Should Pay Attention – Sadhguru Video, There Must Be Balance In All Things And At All Times. Then, of course, there’s sexual attraction, which people often confuse with compatibility. The more right a person is for us, we think, the less suffering we will experience. Marriage is the ultimate commitment. To put an expectation on someone else that their commitment to you is a commitment to keep you in a constant state of happiness, is fucking lunacy. In your single days, you could make your own plans, come and go as you chose, and basically make most of … Instead, make it your job to set the budget. and intimate relationship with for the rest of your existence. The more right a person is for us, we think, the less suffering we will experience. Marriage is not to make us happy but to make us holy. We attach ourselves to people who most significantly mirror our strengths and wounds. Log in. I sure didn’t disappoint. Being in a successful relationship is better than being single. Marriage won’t do the work for you. likewise, if you’re unhappy when you’re single, you’ll be unhappy when you’re married. Experts reveal the subtle signs that your marriage isn't meant to last long-term. If our lives are about becoming ourselves, then our closest partners can be our greatest teachers. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. “Marriage seems to buy you a decade or more of happiness,” Gilbert said. But sometimes, people choose who they think they’ll be happiest with only to find out they are incorrect. All marriages have rough spots. People remain in unhappy marriages for many reasons. Living in the same house but barely speaking. Happy people who get married still end up happier than happy people who don’t. It approaches a great marriage, not as an end, but as a means to pleasing and glorifying God, the chief end. 5.0 out of 5 stars Not just another self-help marriage book. Two of them still are sticking around, though. After thirty years of teaching Inner City, Special Education students and If you were a miserable person going into marriage, you will be a miserable person married. It will give you an opportunity to find happiness in peace, in letting go, in learning what’s worth fighting for, in figuring out how to love an imperfect person, in seeing what commitment is and what compromise feels like. We gather these through experiences: familiarity, family ties, failed relationships, trauma, other people’s beliefs, our own ideas about who we are and what we should do in life. Learning to love them better is essential. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! For years, I was convinced that if I found someone who would vow to love me forever, I could finally be happy. Which is what we’ve been hungry for all along. Marriage won’t do the work for you. And there are tons of old stereotypes which imply that if a man cheats, it's because his wife doesn't understand him, he's not happy in his marriage, or his sex life at home is lacking. Marriage is a vow and legal contract you are supposed to be making to last a life time. forty-five years of metaphysical studies, I have decided to share my life's philosophical understandings on this wonderful website. Once you get married, you realize that it is no longer all about you. But I will also make you sadder than you’ve ever been and madder than you’ve ever been.” And you know what? Marriage Is Not Meant to Make You Happy. So talk, find the underlying causes and resolve the issue together. Conventional wisdom says if you're not happy in your marriage, get out and move on. This isn’t because they’ve committed to the “wrong” person. The magic of marriage is that it’s not meant to make you feel happy in that dopamine-laced, movie-ending kind of way. When we say, “You need God and a good spouse to be happy,” we have elevated marriage to the level of God and made it an idol. It’s meant to make you aware of yourself, and the more deeply you can grow, the more joy you will experience. Whether or not you are single, there are people who love you, but it can be hard to see sometimes. Then, of course, there’s sexual attraction, which people often confuse with compatibility. And, generally, people do pair up with other people they believe they’ll be happiest with (even if, in some cases, that happiness is more about security, status, or tradition than love). It is nobody’s job to make you happy (unless you’re rich and can hire someone to fulfill all your needs, then by all means!). The other half of this, what follows the “marriage is not about happiness” lie is God made marriage as a way to prefect us, grow us up, help us work things out, make us holy, or something like that. arriage will not always make you happy, but it will do something even better. You deserve to have an incredible marriage – one that brings you tremendous joy just like yours did in the beginning. If you're one of those people, you may feel like you can't be happy. That work is yours—always and forevermore. They seem to like it around us, too. It’s not that you shouldn’t be happy–you should–but happiness should NOT be your number one goal in marriage. View all posts by mysticheartsong. When we can strip away the assumption they should be different from who they are, we find something beautiful underneath: harmony. It is a good thing. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Happiness must always come from within, never from without. Make no mistake, being in a terrible relationship is far worse than being single. Who do you want to help you raise them? When you view your partner less as your savior and more as the person you get to hang out with until you die, you’re more likely to forgive their shortcomings and accept that they’re not, and never will be, perfect. You want to save money. Saying “I do “ means that you are making a promise to your partner as you begin your journey together. The Difference Between Self-Discipline and Self-Denial, How Women Can Embrace Aging in a Youth-Obsessed Culture, How ‘In A Dark, Dark Room’ Made Me A Creep (Thank God). We need to teach our young people that marriage does not bring you happiness; faithfulness to God brings you happiness. The sharing of souls and dreams and flesh. It’s not about you. Helpful. Inspiring spiritual truths that answer your deepest questions. 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